They say, “confession is good for the soul.” I don’t know who “they” are, but they must know! Right?
Come sit with me for a minute or two so we can talk about a confession I have to make… will you?
So here is what I am confessing… I have let fear, insecurity and intimidation stop me from speaking into the lives of people, especially women. I have been focused more on what is limiting me and less on the limitless freedom in Christ to do what He has called me to do.
Through this shame and confusion, I have been struggling with some stuff that I don’t want to share here yet… but because of that I have isolated myself from people in different ways.
This thing had been weighing so heavy on my heart and mind so much of the time… I had really lost perspective! So as I have been and still am searching and asking God for the answer… I have chosen avoidance over engagement.
THEN… here is the verse that gave me a little nudge:
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ~ Romans 12:18
When we let burdens consume so much of our thinking… it is hard to be around people that you cannot share that specific frustration or the pain with. I never want anything I am struggling with to be a stumbling block to anyone else. Heaven help me!
The other day as I was getting ready for a women’s conference, I was attending, I was having a conversation with the Lord. (BTW… some of my best conversations happen in the bathroom while I’m getting ready to go somewhere!) I was praying about this same struggle… one more time!!! What am I to do??? What am I to do???
Here is what I heard in my head from my heart, “Why do you focus on the struggle and not on Me?” Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! He is so much bigger than any struggle! Why do I take my focus off the Savior? Why do I think I need to figure it all out myself?
For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” ~ Hebrews 13:5b-6
Whatever we focus on will get bigger and bigger!
“Sometimes when we get overwhelmed, we forget how big God is.” A.W. Tozer
There are many times I can be like a dog with a bone… you give your dog a bone with some good tidbits of meat still left on it. He chews and chews on it until all the goodness is gone. He takes the bone and buries it, BUT… eventually he goes back to it, digs it up, chaws on it for awhile longer… even though there is no good to come from it any longer! He will bury it again and dig it up again… over and over!
Does this repetitive cycle sound familiar to you? Oh no… not me either! (insert eye-roll here)
The conference I attended was great! It was exhausting… information overload… but so GOOD! One of the sessions was about… if you get the vertical right then the horizontal will come too. The speaker was talking about the 2 directions of forgiveness… 1) offender 2) offended. She used a carpenter’s square (that's the thing that looks like a "L" shaped ruler in the picture above) as a visual aid to represent the vertical – towards God, and the horizontal towards others.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. ~ Ephesians 4:1-6
During this message I knew exactly what God was speaking to my heart. He showed me that even though I have forgiven the offense that was made toward me… I was still focusing on how to deal with the hurt. I had taken my eyes off the vertical and back onto the horizontal. And in a heart-wrenchingly, painful moment of surrender… He reminded me that He didn’t need my help to take care of this issue either.
As long as I kept digging up that old bone, I was not trusting God to take care of it.
You know that is what Father God wants from us, His children… surrender. He wants to take those dry, dead bones and bring life to them. The only way to get the vertical right is through surrender to His ways!
In the next few posts I want to share with you some of what God has been teaching me about surrender… it is a long, ongoing process! Will you join me as we learn about on this adventure we call, LIFE?
In His Grace, Carin